that awkward moment

when you realize that you dont have any feelings.

reunited

and it feels so good! I rediscovered this old blog today after my sister called me for advice about her new blog @thecopycatcrafter.  Im following her, so look her up.  I read a couple of my old entries and thought my reasoning for starting this was pretty good so I'm going to try to give it another go!

I.aM.mE Presents: "IM ILL" By: Phillip (PacMan) Chbeeb

College Nights

In the future, I think I will look back on tonight as one of those nights that helped define who I am.  Or actually who I hope to be, as I am definitely not there yet.  I was in the presence of an incredible writer tonight and had the privilege to hear some of her writing so I'm feeling rather superficial in my writing right now.  I have never though of myself as a writer, but tonight I was inspired. I wanted to be one. Sitting on the floor of the bedroom of a post college student too poor to heat the entire apartment, I felt full.  To be able to express feeling and emotion with so much imagery and depth; its such a talent that I long to posses.  I don't know if she'll ever read this, but that writer changed my life, even if it was just for a few hours on a Friday night.

Free Time?

Apparently, I thought I would have free time after I quit working at the Dining Hall. What a joke. I haven't written in more than a month A. because Ive had no free time and B. because I forgot my username/password. whoops. Boy this week is going to suck. And next week. And the week after that. 2 more weeks of class then exams. Actually, 2 weeks from today I will be done with this semester. Shit. I have so much to do. At least tomorrow is Thursday so I will have lots of free time to hit up the library and do some serious studying.  I have to try to push myself the hardest possible that I can because if I don't then I know that there could have been something that I could have done better. Although I like to come off as calm and uncaring, this bothers me.  I hate seeing what I could have done better, but didn't.  I think my problem is that I am afraid of failure, so I just don't try and that way I have an excuse.  Because if I fail now, its because I didn't try, but if I actually try my hardest then fail, well I'm just a failure. 
Now I have to do a lab that should've been done hours ago, Whaaaatttt?!

Free Time!

So I quit my job last Friday.  And now I have a lot of free time, which is good even though most of it will go to studying.   But today, I worked out for an hour with my workout buddy Sophie.  She brightens my day every time I see her and I am soo thankful that we are better friends this year.  Also, I am glad that I am working out now because it really helps me focus and just generally be better. So I'm glad Sophie pushes me to workout with her. 
Fall break starts on Wednesday, which is sooo good because I need a break.  I just need to be home, even if it is just for a weekend.  I really miss my dad.  I brag about him so much to people because honestly he is still my favorite male in my life.  I love my daddy.  I miss his perspective and how he talks about things I would never think about because he is just that smart.  Everybody loves him, and I can't wait to give him a big hug. 
Did I mention that most of these entries will just be me rambling?
Anyways Ive had a lot on my mind today but I can't write it all out so I guess I'll just post this and start some hw.

Anyways...

Hi. So I got distracted, and didn't read any more of The Bell Jar.  So I'm not going to say tomorrow, I'm just going to say sometime soon.  I want to write like a review or something like that.  I don't know why, I just looooove this book. I just really identify with it.  Ok if I start this, I'm not going to want to stop and I have got to get to bed soon.  Goodnight :)